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The Five Love Languages

Published by on July 1st, 2020.


what are these five different love languages and what do they look like in practice? Here’s what you need to know.

Words of affirmation
According to Chapman, people with this love language need to hear their partner say, “I love you.” Even better is including the reasons behind the love through leaving them a voice message or a written note or talking to them directly with sincere words of kindness and affirmation.

Other examples from Tessina include saying things like: “Thank you,” “That was nice of you” and/or “I appreciate what you did.”

Quality time
This language, says Chapman, is all about giving your partner your undivided attention. That means no TV, no chores, no cell phone — just giving each other your undivided attention. Take time every day to do this.

“Spending time with your partner is about being together, paying attention to each other, sharing something meaningful together and listening and communicating,” adds Tessina. Other examples include preparing dinner together and talking while preparing and eating it, sharing plans for the future, making love and/or creating something together.

Receiving gifts
The person who loves this language thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. In short, actions speak louder than words.

“The thing that works best is picking the right gift that shows you understand your partner and the effort you made to express love,” says Chapman. “Think about finding a gift that your partner has been asking for or would enjoy receiving and plan for a special way of giving it; make it a surprise.”

The act of giving a gift tells your partner you cared enough to think about him or her in advance and go out of your way to get something to make your partner smile.

Acts of service
This language includes anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility, like vacuuming the floors, going grocery shopping or sending thank-you notes. Stumped as to what your partner needs? Chapman suggests asking your partner to give ideas for things they’d like you to do that would make their life easier and make a schedule to get them done.

Simple things like making breakfast in bed or walking the dog demonstrate you care about your partner and your life together, says Tessina. “It says you want to make your home and relationship more livable and you want to ease your partner’s burden,” she adds.

Physical touch
People who speak this love language thrive on any type of physical touch: hand-holding, hugs and pats on the back. “Be intentional about finding ways to express your love using physical touch: giving hugs, touching their arm or hand during a conversation; offer to give a neck or back rub,” says Chapman.

According to Tessina, physical touch is the most direct way to communicate love. “As long as it’s done in an atmosphere which is loving and not oppressive, physical touch can be the most effective of the love languages. It calms, heals and reassures,” she explains.

The bottom line is that not everyone expresses their love in the same way, so being aware of the different love languages can help you understand your relationship better.

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